About this bitch
I wrote a blog for three years that I took down one night after too many vodka shots. Immediate regret was followed by a slew of emails asking me, “WTF?” “WTH?” and “WTHH?” “What the holy hell?” is my personal favorite. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss blogging.
Fear, it’s an ugly thing. Fear the neighbors might find out about it (they did). Fear my mom might read it (ditto). Fear that I was getting writer’s block. Et cetera. Now I know it was timing, since the six years that followed were so busy (sick dogs, working – sometimes nights and weekends) and I needed a break. Well, that, and I started playing WoW at night, and killing dragons and imps sort of took over. (P.S. You really can’t raid when you have a needy dog who somehow knows when you just entered a dungeon and are at the first boss. If you aren’t a gamer, skip that last part. You won’t get it) Eventually, I wasn’t consumed with WoW. I wasn’t working nights and weekends. Then Mr. Swirly died in June 2012 and I had no idea what the fuck to do with my spare time. Didn’t want to keep crying and being sad, so I thought I’d get all snarky and bitchy again. Mr. Swirly would have wanted it that way, I’m sure.
Just so you know, off and on over the past six years, I tried starting a few other blogs, only to get bored with them, and quickly. Turns out I was writing what I thought I should write, not what I needed to write to get the voices outside of my head and in here, where I can deal with them more effectively. Nope, I don’t have multiple personality disorder (at least, I haven’t been diagnosed with it yet, but some believe that is debatable). I’m talking about all the crazy shit going on in my head.
I finally decided that I’d bring back the old non-girlfriend because I had so much fun with it before. About 80% of this shit is made up, 15% an exaggeration and 5% true. I won’t spoil it for you - will let you guess which is which. [On the rare occasion that I say something NICE about the non-BF, it's definitely in the 5% true category. Just so you know. P.S. He made me write that.]
I hope you enjoy my blog. If you do not, don’t tell me. As I told a friend the other day, I like living in denial.
Ranting and shamelessly self-promoting since 2004. Okay, so I took a break for a while, but the bitch is back!
Write for those of us who have no life. hahahaha
you write your posts with so much whimsy that is very nice reading them. lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email
I’m fucking whimsical, all right!
[...] non-girlfriend it's more fun this way! About this bitch [...]
Thank you very much for putting me on your blogroll. Your readers are clicking through to my site. Now, keep skanking it up!
[...] This week’s wrap-up sponsored by The non-girlfriend, a hilarious and often times confusing cautionary tale. She was MIA for awhile, but as she deftly puts it: ”The bitch is back“. [...]
Dear Non-GF,
I found your blog yesterday through The Bloggess and have spent the last day reading it instead of cleaning the house. I keep laughing out loud and getting strange looks from my family.
Just wanted to let you know that goats are not as awesome as they might seem. We got a pair of fainting goats about 4 years ago because who can’t look at them fall over and not laugh? Well, they escaped from their pen the first night we had them (and my husband was gone). No problem, I thought, I’ll yell really loud, they’ll fall over and I’ll just chuck them back in their pen. No dice. I chased those stupid things all over the yard and they wouldn’t faint until one ran through a bush.
They are small and cute, though, and much nicer that the billy goat we babysat for someone whose barn burned down. We nicknamed him “Satan”. He smelled like death and headbutted my husband so hard that I thought we would have to go to the ER (they actually call it the ED at our hospital and I can’t sit in the waiting room without giggling).
Living vicariously through your blog! Love it, let’s go shopping together!
I love this blog. I don’t follow any other blog but this one. I figure if you are going to spend time reading a blog i might as well read one from a Peanut.
From some kind of nut, that’s right
I LOVE YOUR BLOG!
I’m dense… seriously missing brain cells right now…how do I follow???…waaa waaa can’t seem to figure it out…wtf is wrong with me???
Clearly I meant through Blogger (is that possible)…I can see twitter, FB and the rest…