Or whatever the hell “Part One” is en español. Stupid Google translate. Anyhow…
Random Vacation Shit:
Earlier today, I am getting ready to go get a pedicure and the non-BF and I are talking about shaving. I’m not happy about skipping a day. I tell the non-BF that you aren’t supposed to shave before a pedicure.
The non-BF: Why not?
Me: There’s more chance you might get some kind of funkiness from the pedi tub if it isn’t thoroughly clean and if you accidentally nick yourself shaving that morning, so it’s best to just go hairy.
Him: So what’s the big deal? You don’t shave anyway.
Just so you know, I DO shave, I was just busy AND lazy this week before we left for vacation. And then I didn’t know when I would get said pedicure. So yeah, I didn’t shave for two damned days, so sue me. It’s not that like that shit grows back on me very quickly anyway.
Again about the shaving…we moved on to the topic of the non-BF not shaving the month of November. “It’s Movember.” I’m like, WTF? and he explains it is some kind of No Shaving Movement for some kind of penis cancer and I’m all What does that have to do with your facial hair and apparently, he cannot shave in November to show support for the penis.
Me: Okay, I don’t get the connection, but it’s nice that you are doing that. Go penis! Penises! Peni? Oh fuck it, I don’t know the plural of the word.
The non-BF: I think I’ll just have a beard. Or a goatee. I won’t have a moustache.
Me: Why not? You want to be bald about your mouth?
The non-BF: No, but my moustache looks like a molestache.
I’m quite certain that the reason the couple at the adjacent table didn’t finish their brunch is because of me and my big mouth. Oh yeah, and because of the non-BF’s molestache.
I discovered a really sour drink here that I love called Guaro Sour. Original name, no? I’m looking at local spirits in the liquor store and I bought a bottle or two of this Cacique shit because it was smooth and really had no taste, and because the locals told me to “watch out – it is strong.” I Google it and “Cacique Guaro is a brand of guaro produced by Fábrica Nacional de Licores or “FANAL”. The Cacique Guaro is a sugar cane liquor of high purity and is the best selling distilled spirit in Costa Rica. It is known as “Costa Rica liqueur”. As it has a neutral taste, guaro can be consumed pure or combined with any natural or artificial mixing.” Thank you, Wikidpedia.
Well shit fire and save the matches, it is no wonder I drank three of those things and didn’t even get tipsy. It has a low alcohol content and is considered a “soft vodka.” Truth in advertising, people. Don’t be lying to me just because I speak Refried Spanish and I have no idea what you are saying in between “Buenos dias!” and “Adios!” Damn it, I’m switching back to gin.
So I’m having drinks with the non-BF’s friend last night. We are waiting on him and have some of those “strong” guaro sours. Ahem. I’m just pretty silly most times in general, but add the blonde hair and the fact that I don’t take most things too seriously (work and my fur brats are two things I’m dead serious about, oh yeah, and money), I am often considered “scattered,” “flighty,” or even less intelligent than I really am. As though you can’t be silly and smart at the same time. Bah. Conversations like the one below do not help me much, though:
Non-BF’s Friend: Are you two getting a massage?
Me: Yes, that is later, though.
NBFF: I got mine today. It was the Deep Tissue Massage.
Me: The non-BF is getting the Therapeutic Massage and I’m getting the Lymphoma Massage.
The non-BF’s friend spit her guaro sour all over the table and some of it landed in the chips. Wow.
Me: I mean the Lymphatic Drain Massage. Oh hell, what did I say? I need another drink.
Just so you know, iguanas are not friendly creatures at all. They won’t pose for photos and they stick their tongues out at you all the time. Rude!