“You may be right. I may be crazy.”
It’s real and most of the time, you can’t “just snap out of it.” I should know. I’ve been dealing with it on and off all of my life. It isn’t situational, not all of the time (yeah it was when Mr. Swirly died, but that is an exception).
Like now – I am with the love of my life, the non-BF, but I still cannot shake the funk.
He says I need to make my own fun and I am really beginning to believe getting out and doing ANYTHING will help. The Crazy Pills sure as hell do not. I need a hobby. Other than bitching, that is.
Shake The Funk would be a hell of a COOL ass name for a band, by the way.
So, to add to the list of things that Totally Fucking Piss Me Off, I give to you: old people in grocery stores in the middle of the day. I am quite certain I’ve written about this before but it’s my blog and I can bitch if I want to.
Hey, I know I am well on my way to becoming an “old person.” And while I think that while about 95% of current old people actually believe that one day, they would be the “cool old person,” they are not. They stop in the middle of the frozen food section in their muumuus and won’t move their damned buggies when I need to get in and find a frozen five cheese lasagna I can spruce up and fool the non-BF that I slaved all day making it for him.
This really isn’t true. When I DO cook, I make a huge production out of it and demand commentary on every bite. When I cook-from-frozen, I say, “You’re lucky I didn’t send you to McDonald’s. Eat up!”
But anyway, here I am, trying to find a fucking frozen lasagna to make because I’m too congested, too depressed and, in all truthfulness, too damned lazy to make a real one. There are these two older ladies standing in the middle of the frozen food aisle, talking about getting their third PhD. Not lying about this, not making it up, not taking literary license here. Third one. I guess higher education didn’t teach them how to dress. Or take care of their fugly toes. But I digress.
I try to be nice and patient but I finally banged the freezer door into their cart to open it up and get the lasagna out of there. Didn’t phase them.
Sorta only slightly phased them when I said, “Fucking old people wearing goddamned muumuus!” not really under my breath. At all.
Don’t get me wrong. I love old people, just like I love all people. But you’re going to stand in the middle of a grocery store aisle and talk about the price of peas in Yugoslavia without moving out of my way? Fuck you. Now hand me the frozen Texas Toast, bitches.
I have a love/hate relationship with doing my own nails. While I like to save the money of mani/pedis, hate to sit still for that long and think I do a better job myself, there are days when I cannot be bothered. Like tonight. It looks like someone puked Pepto Bismol all over my feet. I should probably go see someone about that.
I am a HUGE sucker for packaging so while I am buying wipes for the non-BF to take hiking, I see Poise Hot Flash Comfort towelettes. Okay, so they are $3.49 for a pack of 20 towelettes so I think, Why the hell not? I used my first one just five minutes ago and fuck it all if they aren’t pretty cooling! I also take placebos to get rid of headaches but shit, I’m swearing these things really do work. They just need to package them in bulk sizes, you idiots. You think these things don’t come in waves?
What the HELL is up with Moscato? Who the hell drinks that shit?
Okay, so a LOT of people do (presumably women), but I hate it. If I want a sweet drink, I’m going to go get a Slurpee. Like Gene Wilder said, “Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.” Pass me a gin and tonic any day, hon.
Okay, I just saw a commercial for a TV show where some guy is a human piñata. We’ve officially entered the ninth circle of hell.
Chevy? Your Silverado commercial about searching for the lost calf in the rain? While it made me want to cry, I still had to say to myself, “But hey, aren’t they going to send that cow to the slaughterhouse later on anyway?” I really should stop watching television.