Well, looks like it is going to be a long night. Dinner? Not sitting so well on the belly. I’m having Tums for dessert but I don’t think even that will help.
Did you know that Tums turn foamy in your stomach? No? Well now you do. You’re welcome for that bit of knowledge. The research behind it? Sickening.
Whoever keeps knocking on my door is about to get a handful of bitchy all up in their ass. It sounds like adults out there. I just don’t even go to the door now. Remember when you were a kid and you’d ring a doorbell then run? Karma, baby.
I look up from my typing and see myself in the hotel room mirror. Damn, no wonder my hair chick got mad at me for cutting my own hair. She did her best to “fix” it but it really is jacked.
I asked a bartender what kind of vodka he had once when I was out with friends. He named off a few and ended with Absolut. I told him, “Okay, I’ll have that.” He asked, “Absolut?” I replied, “Absolut-ly!” He wasn’t nearly as amused as I was.
I was trying on my pants for the non-BF to see if I needed to get a larger size for this trip.
Him: What will you be wearing on top?
Me: A t-shirt.
Him: In or out?
Me: Oh hell, I would never tuck with the Food Baby lurking about my mid-section.
Him: You’ll be fine then.
Hey, I asked for honesty. But now I’m mad because I probably should have bought bigger pants. I think he just didn’t want me to go shopping. You know, with all this vomiting and other, ahem, “issues,” one would think I’d be a stick figure by now. Spanx you very much, it’s spandex time tomorrow!
I wonder if alcohol would kill off whatever is wrong down there in my gutsy parts?
Ooh, I still have time to order ice cream from room service! Gotta go!