Damn if I didn’t forget my notebook last night. I’m quite certain we said and did some funny shit. I’ll try to remember…
- Me and Bunny singing Lesley Gore in the middle of a crowded patio while the non-BF looks on in horror
- Pork Belly Pops (don’t ask, but they were good)
- The non-BF: Why are you dressed like that? Me: These are the only shorts that still fit me. Now stop bogarting that cheese!
- “She just came in and twatwashed the place.”
- Me: I should make a non-girlfriend line of nail polishes. With names like “Slut-Puppy” and “Hooker Toes.” Bunny: I’d totally buy a nail polish called “Hooker Toes”. The non-BF: How about “Camel Toe”?
- The non-BF thought I made up a word. Therapeutical. Nope, it exists. They all laughed when I said my Fizzy Gin Drink was “therapeutical.”
- Me, to the girl sitting next to me with the lit cigarette: I’m sorry, is my smoke bothering you?
- “Do calories count when you’re drunk? Because if they don’t, I’d be a size zero.”
- “That guy? Over there? Really needs to give his outfit back to the 80s. They’re missing it.”
Okay… I have to know, WTF does “She just came in and twatwashed the place.”
mean?
In my mind it’s a douche gone terribly wrong. Please tell me I’m wrong.
And another name for the line of nail polish: BTFUB (Back The Fuck Up Bitches) I’m thinking it’s black with some purple and silver glitter.
You got it, BR. I think that’s what he meant by “twatwashed.” And hell yes, I’d totally wear BTFUB.
My Dove chocolate wrapper told me that calories only exist if I count them. Size 0, here I come!
I love your Dove chocolate wrapper!
I’m with Bunny. GIVE US HOOKER TOES nail polish! Need it! Want it!
Working on it, hon
Pork Belly Pops, whhhhaaaaat? Do you live in the South? I just stumbled across your blog. Funny stuff here, I might just stay a while.
I do, I do. And please do.
“twatwashed” heeheehee…I think that could be in the nail polish line, actually. It could go with “SandinmyVagina.”
LOL. Thanks Jess, now I’m choking on my water and none of the bratty dogs know the Heimlich.
Dogs know nothing of “Heimlich.” They specialize in “Hindlick” instead.
As someone who is owned by a 150lb dog the size of a goddamn Shetland Pony, I can say with some authority that a dog nose at butt-level is…unpleasant. Sigh. I pity people who visit my house…but I laugh, too.