WTH is a “chicka cherry cola,” anyway? And why did we all just LOVE that song when it came out?
Confession: I still do. Feel free to judge me now.
*****
Texting the non-BF, asking for money because I’m still fucking clueless about sticking to a budget.
Me: “Help me, I’m poor!” Can I borrow some money? (Translation: Will you GIVE me some money?)
The non-BF: Sure, what happened this time?
Me: Wormy Kitty knocked over that glass of wine on top of my iPhone, ‘member? And so I had to pay the $200 insurance to get a new one and blah blah blah (Translation: I totally went out of control at Ulta and now I have six different scents to wear and five new hair products, one of which has gone back because it sucks.)
The non-BF: Want to come get the cash?
Me: Nope, just PayPal me, please. Thankyouverymuchyouarealifesaver! Now I won’t overdraft! (Translation: Now I can buy some wine!)
It’s not that I don’t make a good living – I just have this shopping, um, PROBLEM. I even gave him all my credit cards to be a good girl. (Note: If you have to say “all my credit cards,” you probably have too many.)
The non-BF: Goods? Or Services? Hee! I’m choosing “Services”!
Me: Can you put a memo in there? That would be so funny if you could! “Thanks for last night!” Hee!
Ding – you’ve got mail! “The non-BF sent you $.”
So I go to transfer it to my bank account and…”This may take 3-4 days, depending upon your bank.” Well, just FUCK.
Me: That was totally a waste of time.
The non-BF: Why?
Me: Takes bank 3-4 days to transfer the money. PayPal can suck my left one!
The non-BF: Get it the old fashioned way – come by. I left it out for you.
Me: You are the nicest non-BF!
Fast-forward 20 minutes, and I’m working on something when I get another text…
The non-BF: When you stop by for the money, can you bring the step stool? And my shirt? That could be your “services” – hahaha.
Me: Sure.
The non-BF: Don’t do it if the step stool is too heavy.
Me: It is light. One hand job.
The non-BF: The services will be one hand job?
I totally walked into that one.
*****
Another completely different text conversation today. We are talking about dinner plans for Thursday night.
The non-BF: Okay so 7:00 for dinner?
Me: Yeah. You picking me up?
The non-BF: Yep, I will pick you up although you realize I can walk to the restaurant now. (He just moved)
Me: Yeah, but it is last Bad Day so I want a cocktail. Austerity Campaign starts tomorrow.
The non-BF: Lord, every day is last bad day…it’s like a drinking Groundhog Day!
Me: LOL!
The non-BF: I hope you shot milk out of your nose on that one.
Me: Nope. Vodka.
Snicker. One hand job.
Yeah. That’s all I got…it’s a low-wit night for me. Jameson, here I come.
I’m so loving you and your Non-BF. LOL I’m not sure if this is going to be a “no-no” for your blog but it fit into a conversation I had with my mom yesterday. I guess a bunch of people got their panties in a twist about a new Sketchers commercial for a new line of shoes geared for kids. It’s all about Daddy’s Money and the little girl’s their Daddy’s money to get them.
This for some reason outraged people.
I’m 43. When I want something pretty and shiny (read: diamondy) I still call my dad and say, “Daddy! I saw the prettiest (fill in the blank)! I really loved it!” He then say’s, “Save your money!” without missing a beat. Then the next time I see him and my mom…TAAA DAAAA! It’s there.
I don’t ask for much and it’s not often. He knows that “daddy” is his queue for PLEASEEEEEEEEEE and he likes to be able to give his baby girl things (even though I’m far from a child).
I LOVE that your Non-BF is able to hook you up when you need to be hooked up.
Point in all of this long ass soapbox style rambling is that more people need to be able to have someone that care and less people need to worry about shit that have absolutely nothing to do with them.
I love it that you are still his baby girl!
Don’t worry about the comment thing. The one I wouldn’t approve had some racial epithet in it and I don’t allow that shit on my blog! You’re cool